When one uses a search engine online using my name, and my trade name, The Austin Wine Guy, one finds scurrilous, defamatory and simply out right lies on the Internet results.
As law enforcement seems unable to assist me, and the person behind this campaign to defame me and interfere with my business and profession is what they call "judgment proof" meaning she has no money, I must place this blog here.
The woman behind all of this goes by many names: Oma Hamou, Oma McConnell, Alexandra McConnell, Alexandra Hamou, Oma Demian, Alexandra Murphy, are the usual ones, but there are others.
This woman, Oma Hamou, Oma McConnell, Alexandra McConnell, Alexandra Hamou, Oma Demian, Alexandra Murphy and her other aliases have a twenty year track record of FELONY CONVICTIONS, multiple arrests, failure to abide by the requirements of her probation for her felony convictions which lead to more arrests, many many civil judgments against her for hundreds of thousands of dollars, a history of writing bad checks, and currently she was arrested late in 2008 in San Bernardino California on a Felony Charge of Forgery of a Financial Instrument (she seems to have forged a large check) and is currently out of custody on bail and faces the Preliminary Hearing phase of her Criminal Trial proceedings in December, 2009.
Someone else has recently posted a precis of the criminal and debt history of this woman. You can go here to read the specific details for yourself:
http://www.omahamoureality.blogspot.com
She is nearly psychotic in this compulsion because I stumbled onto the actual facts of her past, and present, which do not coincide with the personae she wants to project to others.
This woman, Oma Hamou, Oma McConnell, Alexandra McConnell, Alexandra Hamou, Oma Demian, Alexandra Murphy et al, has for YEARS now, threatened me with civil and criminal actions. For years now, NOTHING has happened except more ongoing threats online.
This woman, Oma Hamou, Oma McConnell, Alexandra McConnell, Alexandra Hamou, Oma Demian, Alexandra Murphy has demonstrated she has no credibility. You can read below in previous posts where she has outright lied, most notably when she filed a report about her business with Dunn and Bradstreet that was investigated by them and shown to be completely fraudulent.
Ask yourself if the following make any, rational or reasonable common sense:
This woman claims to be an actress and model, but for a decade steadfastly REFUSES to provide one single shred of evidence to support the allegation, not even a credit, reference or magazine issue. She says only "I was and I don't have to prove it. YOU have to prove I wasn't". Does that make sense?
This woman claims that her three felony convictions were not Her fault, but rather someone else's fault. Does THAT make sense?
This woman claims that her current Felony Forgery Charges in San Bernardino are "just a big mistake" and "law enforcement and the DA" are on "her side" and "believe her", yet they are STILL pressing charges and scheduling hearings. Does THAT make sense??
This woman has claimed for six years non stop that I am being investigated by law enforcement and the FBI. Yet, NOTHING ever happened, I have never been contacted by law enforcement for any reason in those six years other than one speeding ticket. Does it make any sense to you that law enforcement is doing ANYTHING for six years now?
Buddha said Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
Look at all the blathering posts she has put up on the internet, and ask yourself, do these things agree with YOUR reason and your own common sense? The answer is obvious.
As you can see, this woman and/or her cronies now LIE, falsify documents and use years old private letters to attempt to defame and disparage me, and Bob Atchison
Many people whom have come into contact with her call her a con artist and scam artist. She hangs out with convicted felons, even inviting these career criminals to live in her house with her.
You can verify all the arrests, judgments etc for yourself with simple online searches.
If you have a judgment against Oma Hamou, Alexandra McConnell or her alias names and you want to collect, or serve her with a Debtor Exam, OR if you want to SERVE her with a suit, she is represented by a lawyer, Brian Watson of Victorville California. Service on him is valid as if you served her herself, as he represents her. Google his address and serve her there...
You are free to email me with your questions, and if you yourself have been a VICTIM of this woman Oma Hamou, Oma McConnell, Alexandra McConnell, Alexandra Hamou, Oma Demian, Alexandra Murphy, I encourage you to contact me.
441 comments:
1 – 200 of 441 Newer› Newest»Usual rules here. Please use the new thread for comments.
Oh come on, 300 is entirely DO ABLE.
Well, I'm off again! Toodles!
Hoo-ey. Did you see over on Hamou's forum that "Handmaiden" was taking pains to point out that Hamou never sent a link to "Kirsty Allee"?
As if.
Is it even possible to be both so devoid of a sense of humor and that stupid?
Well, she also tried to convince people that the "S. Spielburg" who posts here is not the Steven Spielberg of movie fame.
So, yeah. It's possible.
Oma Louise did too send me a (chomp, scrunch, scrunch) link to the (urp) "Hungry Has-Beens" chat room.
I encountered her in the "My Middle Name is Louise, Too" chat room and then (crunch, smack) ran across her again in the "Why Did I Marry Him?" chat room. Her story was so gripping (nobody else there had been the tenth wife of a decades-older pistol-whipping wife-beater) and she seemed so smart and sophisticated and forward-thinking, if a little black and blue, that I just had to (urp)introduce myself.
We became fast friends and would have stayed that way until I found out about her criminal history here. Two days ago I would have been shocked to hear her deny she sent me that link. But, well, today? I guess I kind of expected it.
(urp)
And you found a home, Kirsty here with these fine upstanding citizens! Bravo!
Dear BFF,
Well, it's getting crowded over on the other forum, Mrs. B. Daryn told me that it is hard for all of them, sharing space in Oma's brain. He really did tell me. On the phone. I heard his voice.
And can I say how wonderful it is that you seem to have found a home over here? We had a picture-perfect day in New York, how was the weather out there? Did you have coffee or oatmeal for breakfast? If we and Team Hamou (and I'm still wanting a sweatshirt, girlfriend) are your new chums, then we get the updates as well!
Rebecca
Me no likee coffee. I'm a tea drinkier myself.
We have cool weather here and the trees are brilliant but the leaves, alas! Are dropping faster than the thongs on the Rock of Love show. . .
Smart and sophisticated?
The woman has a trailer park permit tatooed on her ass. And that's now one big tattoo.
(Of course, since she keeps posting pictures of her naked ass on the internet from years ago, she'll now howl about proof that she has no tattoo. How many people demonstrate their credibility by stripping down for the camera? Talk about dedication to truth, huh?)
Just about all of Hollywood does that Blakester, Blake-o-rama, Rama-lama.
"Me no likee coffee"? Goodness, are you making fun of Asians? Not cool, girlfriend. See what happens when you run with a bad crowd? Next thing you know you'll be anti-Semitic, and there was already a touch of homophobia. Say it isn't so! Surely as a business woman on the Pacific Rim, this is a prejudice you can't afford to reveal.
Uh, Victorville is to Hollywood what "Drilling Miss Daisy" is to "It's a Wonderful Life."
Oh Rebecca! I'm SOOOO disappointed in you, Girlfriend: The Emporer's New Groove. get with the picture!
*snap! snap! snap!*
Here honey, I'll help you out because that's just the kinda gal I am.
[Yzma and Kuzco never see each other. When one exits, the other enters]
Yzma: Make me the special. And hold the gravy!
Kronk: Check. Pickup!
Kuzco: You know what? On second thought, make my omelette a meat pie.
Kronk: Meat pie. Check.
Yzma: Kronk! Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?
Kronk: I'll have to charge you full price.
Yzma: [annoyed] Ooh.
Kuzco: Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy?
Kronk: You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?
Yzma: Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine.
Kronk: Cheddar spuds coming up.
Kuzco: Spuds yes, cheese no.
Kronk: Hold the cheese.
Yzma: No, I want the cheese.
Kronk: Cheese it is.
Kuzco: Cheese me no "likee."
Kronk: Cheese out.
Yzma: Cheese in!
Kronk: Ah, come on. Make up your mind!
Kuzco: Okay, okay, on second thought...
Yzma, Kuzco: ...make my potatoes a salad.
I love it when you provide color commentary with these things! * * Did that clever "Stella" help you with that? "She" told me how to use emoticons. I am so impressed that a woman of Oma Hamou's age knows all about those things! I feel like such an old fogy! But I'm going to try!
*beams lovingly at Mrs. Biernat*
Oh, I just can't be that tragically hip, damn it!
But you go, girl!
RJ
Oh c'mon! Try it! EVERYBODY'S doing it!
Aren't you a little old for Disney cartoons? Although I suppose you never really can be.
It's a good thing you provided context. Sort of the way Oma tried to do when she was explaining her anti-Semitic remarks. Your context is even a bit credible, but you really should make sure that whenever you use the "Me no likee" line you carefully delineate its' origins.
Disney cartoons! You silly goose!
Rebecca
Oh Disney Cartoons and Pixar ROCKS! I could watch The Incredibles time and time again. Edna Mode, what a tribute to Edith Head! Oh c'mon Rebecca! There's sooo much more to it than you thought. Trust me. *Russo gives her a Palin wink*
No, I just don't think I can. You'll just have to bear with me. I'm not a free bird the way you are, probably because I come from that pre-1960 repressed generation Oma is always talking about. Now she embraces everything! Nudity, Buddhism, imaginative literature, creative accounting! I suppose you have a common zest for new experiences!
Can you see Russia from your front porch too?
I know you can shoot from the threats to Rob, but have you gone hunting from a plane like Sarah?
Is it just something about dysfunctional lives that attracts you to people? Sarah, Oma . . . oh my. What does that say about me, BFF?
Well girlfriend, Ms. Palin is laughing all the way to the bank. That is NOT stupid.
Well, I never doubted that it was about the money for Our Sarah. Or Levi, for that matter. It certainly never seemed as though she was in it for public service or anything.
But another work day has come to an end, and I am off to home. Always good talking to you, BFF!
Rebecca
They wouldn't let our Sarah serve. The list of bogus lawsuits brought by a disgruntled democrat in Alaska is staggering. But Levi, well, he's a horse of a different color to quote the wizard.
Well you take care Rebecca, and remember, Disney's a BUY! Add that to your portfolio! Toodles!
Disney's a buy? You're not managing your own portfolio, are you, BFF?
"They" wouldn't "let" Sarah serve? Who are "they"? The voters of the United States who walloped her at the polls? Or the citizens of Alaska? The last I heard Our Sarah had resigned, presumably to write a book and hit the lecture circuit, each of which pays a lot more than sitting in Juneau engaging in public service. And if Barack Obama can put up with frivolous lawsuits filed by crazed birthers, Our Sarah can ride out a few suits by evil Democrats. Or maybe not. Did you read the latest Vanity Fair article by Levi? All is apparently not well in Palinland.
Ah, well. I see that Oma posted as "Handmaiden" with her usual leaden grasp of . . . well, nothing at all, to tell you the truth. Although I did enjoy her pontifications about the "diety". If you can't spell "deity", say "God", Oma.
I suppose evil people won't let Oma be Oma. Conspiracies, everywhere you look. Everywhere. Night, Michelle.
Rebecca
Good morning, all! It's a lovely day here in the city, although we are due to get colder tomorrow. It figures, just in time for the weekend.
I'm having a delicious cup of Americano, and I had my cup of Activia vanilla for breakfast. Can't be too careful, regularity is important. I knew you'd all want to know.
This is the pearly part of the day, isn't it? When all is quiet on the other coast, the characters slumbering peacefully in the barn of Oma's imagination, dreaming of their work defending her against all comers? But soon enough she will awaken and have to decide which one to let out at the computer. Will there be some back and forth between the mother and daughter tag team? "Sandman"? "Mike"? "Snoopy"? or (oh please oh please) "Daryn? Anyone else want in on the pool?
"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are . . ."
As always, Walt had the mot juste.
Off to the day I go.
Rebecca
Hi, Rebecca. I think it's my fault that Oma Louise gets "deity" and "diety" mixed up.
We use the word "diety" all the time over at the "Hungry Has-Beens" chat room to mean someone who's trying to lose weight and getting kind of bitchy. And someone is always writing stuff like, "God, I'm diety today". So you can see how the confusion could arise.
And Oma Louise has been diety a lot lately, especially when anybody in the chat room makes a joke about prison or Jewish wine merchants or male enhancement ads.
For a while I couldn't figure out why such things set her off. Of course, now that she accidentally sent me this link, I see why she's so diety all the time.
That's interesting actually. Do you guys notice the tone of "team Hamou"? There is "snoopy" who is constantly vulgar, screaming and acting like a 12 year old.."handmaiden" the humorless, bitchy, dimwitted in constant high dudgeon..."mike" the clearly stupid pretending to be smart and "above it all" and "sandman" the humorless bore who can't write coherent sentences.
Not one character of genuine intelligence, genuine wit, not a shred of humor, just these same obsessive/compulsive behaviors who to a one have the same grammar and spelling issues. "They" all "care" about Oma, "they" all excuse the felony convictions, felony arrests, million dollars in judgments, "they" care, but "Oma" doesn't...
the really funny part is that "they" think ANYONE except one dried up douchbag in Oregon, BELIEVES them....
Dear Rob,
I thought you and my BFF were working on your interpersonal relationship skills with each other.
You both probably need to work harder.
By the way, I went to Rachel's for lunch. Omelette aux fines herbes. I know you care.
Oh my god, Kirsty. Now that I've read this, I see what you mean about why Oma Louise is having so much trouble controlling her outbursts over at "Hungry Has-Beens".
The diet not working. The worry about prison. Keeping all those legal teams from stumbling over each other. Tina turning on her and keeping her figure. Creditors looking for her. The diet not working.
Just how much can a girl stand?
We need to do an intervention, Kirsty. And soon. I'll see if I can rent a twin-axle van and get Lizzie Tailor and Cathy Baits to make a desert run with us and help this girl while there's time.
Ah! But Rebecca, nobody sang Wish upon a star like Linda Rondstadt. Loved all her Nelson Riddle albums.
At any rate, Rebecca, and I'm speaking to you as BFF because I'm only concerned for you, you need to shore up your accounts and get out of risky ventures. This economy isn't going to get better no matter what that idiot Gibbs says and it's going to take another hit next year. So be prepared! And I expect the President to blame it all on Bush. . ..
As to Mr. Moshein's remarks, I'm just clippin' that coupon for later use. . .
Just tea and toast this morning, I knew you'd all want to know.
Oh, BFF. Investment advice? Really? Really?
I don't want to be patronizing or anything, but your ability to be taken in by con artists kind of destroys your credibility. By the way, has she asked you to sink money into whatever scheme is currently up and running?
And why so bitter, girlfriend? Bush had his eight years, and I think it is safe to say that his place in history is secure. I suppose we might argue about what that place is, but he's a big boy, and I am sure that he will be able to deal with a little criticism. Although at this stage for a Republican to voice discontent with Obama's policies is a little like the navigator of the Titanic taking shots at the crew trying to get the passengers into lifeboats. Have you considered founding a forum called GeorgeWBush.com or something and inviting all of your friends to defend him? And if you can't find enough people who want to do that, make some up!
I'd join, but I have my hands full on this forum, defending Rob and Bob against the defamatory, libelous and whatever the other adjective is . . .oh, right, false attacks that are posted by Oma Hamou on the forum she runs for the express purpose of stalking my friend Bob. He hasn't posted on this board for months, of course, but for some reason, probably a lack of education, she is unable to accept the fact that we are all different people with different writing styles. I myself have never told a lie because I am a Swedenborgian and it is against my ethical beliefs. I have never had so much as a parking ticket, so you know you can believe me. It is necessary for the friends of Rob and Bob to stand with them as they suffer these vicious attacks. They are so fearful that they have hidden from her for years, changing residences and names constantly. But we were able to convince them to maintain a constant, strong internet presence so that it was possible for their stalker to always track their whereabouts. In addition, even though we know from their own words how much pain this situation causes them, we make sure to tell them everything she posts so that they can be fully abreast of the situation, almost as though they don't really mean it when they describe how they don't care to know. Our next step is to start posting pictures of Rob in a bathing suit from his days as a model. Because he was. A model. Because there are pictures of Rob. In a bathing suit. So he was. A model.
And luckily for us, all of this is so credible that we have dozens of people clamoring to join "Team Atchison", although frankly I think they are doing it for the sweatshirt. My niece Leighton is about to join. She's only a teenager, but she loves cats, and she knows that Bob has a heart of gold. He and Rob have had their share of what we all laughingly call "blond" moments, like the time they got involved with that Michigan/West Virginia grifter and lost money, but they mean well, and who among us has not made some financial mistakes? I know I have had all kinds of lawsuits filed against me because I fail to pay my bills, or airily decide that I won't pay them, but I --- oh, wait, I always pay my bills. Because I am a Swedenborgian, and we never lie. And I am telling the truth because you won't be able to find actual court records about this all over the internet. You can believe me because I am telling you this on the internet.
I'm sorry. What was your financial advice again, BFF?
Hope it's a fabulous day out there on God's Coast.
RJ
BFF,
I forgot to mention. Yes, the Nelson Riddle albums are pretty swell, I think more for Nelson's arrangements than her vocals, but who's quibbling? The best version of the song I ever heard was Bobby Short at the Cafe Carlyle back in the day, though. Michael Feinstein has a good recording. And of course Rosemary Clooney. I saw her and Linda in concert years ago. Such a loss.
But thanks for reminding me. I went on the Well at work and am now listening to Linda sing "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered". Mighty fine.
Rebecca
Just too cool gang! The following appeared in yesterday's Austin newspaper in the Social writer's column, hint, read Saturday's plans...:
http://www.austin360.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/outandabout/entries/2009/10/20/no_excuses_for.html
Oh, Mr. Moshein! How very exciting, dear.
I do wish you had sought my advice about a caterer, though. Such an elegant little gathering will not be complete without just the most perfect watercress sandwiches, and not just any caterer can do them justice. Ah, well. What's done is done.
Do be careful, though, my dear. I have found that so many people resent being on the outside looking in when such social affairs occur. Why, I've even heard stories of people trying to crash such events by donning waitstaff uniforms.
So please do pay attention to security, pet, and keep out the riff-raff.
You're right Penelope! You never know when Brad Pitt and the Fight Club will show up and pee in the soup!
*sigh* Rebecca. I tried. Even though I know the commerical market is running at 5% default. . .oh well. . .
BTW, I think the Libratarians have it right. . .
What does astrology have to do with anything?
Librarians maybe?
Wow. I thought you guys were, well *witty*. Guess I was wrong. . .
Mr. Moshein, do you like cabs or pinots?
Thanks to ALL of you guys who emailed and phoned birthday wishes to me. Much appreciated.
Mazel tov, Robbele!
CLASSIC CAR FOR SALE
1972 AMC Gremlin. No rust, mostly driven in desert (Victorville). Once owned by family of big movie star and recently owned by S. Spielburg for use in an abandoned movie project. Mileage unknown (can't tell how many times that odo has been flipped over).
Condition: Guarded. Missing two front hubcaps. Scrapes to lower edge of rear bumper. Orange stains on upholstery and rear hatch area. Weak rear suspension.
Cannot guarantee title, as no one knows whether anything that family pretends to own was obtained legally.
Price: $2,400 by valid check or credit card / $80,000 by stolen or forged check or credit card / $14.00 cash.
DON'T LET THIS DEAL GET AWAY!
Dont sell that car until we can get over there this afternoon. We done just sent in Domer's tuition to Oxford so we're strapped for cash right now cause they won't take no more of our checks. But we'll bring you a check for $80,000. We want that car back cause Mama cain't do without them classic cars of hers.
Oh, that means Mr. Moshein is a Scorpio. Well THAT explains a lot.
Sure Gomer, he'll hold the car for you. If there was one. If you really had a sister named Lil Bit and a Big Mamma. But hey! I enjoy living the fantasty of Chanel #5 with the rest of you. So let's all take the trolly to the magical world of Make Believe. . . won't you be my neighbor??
Hey, Dealer. Can you hold that car for us until tomorrow? Sis done took all the checkbooks we had on closed accounts and we don't have no time to open and close a new one. We cain't even find a credit card that she ordered using somebody elses' name so wer'e going to try to rustle up the $14.00 in cash money.
Mama is going down to the convenience store and spend her last $5.00 on some scratch offs. Theres a pretty good chance she can come up with at least $14.00.
She wants that car back real bad. Lime green was one damn hard color to find and she could get Maaco to paint her another one that color but their paint comes off real easy and the car looks like shit in no time flat.
Besides Mama done wore the seat cushions down in that Gremlin to fit her just right and she just too old to break in another one what with her hip hurting her all the time.
Speaking of cars, has anyone heard a report of a white van with twin axles stranded somewhere along I-15?
I was tracking it the other day when a cloud passed between my scope and the surface of your, er, the planet. When the cloud passed by I could not find the van. There was a big dark spot on a bridge that looked like an oil spill from up here, but later that day road crews were called out to fix a big hole that opened up in the bridge.
The van was carrying Utah plates that said LRD-ASS and a bumper sticker that read "Save the Whales".
Any help will be rewarded with a temporary suspension of insults to your, er, our race.
Your Lord and Master,
The Grand Shovel
While I hate to interrupt the internecine hijinks, I really need to talk to my BFF.
Honey, I'm sorry that a mysterious Southern girl named Tiffany called to ask you if you had a license to advise me about my portfolio. It certainly didn't happen at my request, and it wasn't me --- I don't have a Southern accent, let alone the name "Tiffany", and still less the slightest interest in "reporting" you. For what? To whom? Because in the course of a snarky little exchange on an internet board you offered me some silly investment advice? Girlfriend, please.
On the other hand, Mrs. Biernat, and I really do mean this, so pay attention --- you are dealing with a con artist in this situation, and it isn't Rob Moshein. Have you considered who might have a vested interest in making you feel as though you are being stalked? Since you can't actually meet any of the Team Hamou gang, what better way to bring you fully onboard than to do something as preposterous as what you claim happened. It might interest you to know --- maybe not --- that I do believe it happened, but come on. You truly think that any securities/investmet regulation body gives a rat's ass about this stuff?
I realize that this is going to completely blow past you, but for what it is worth, I am quite serious.
In the meantime, keep your eyes open, girlfriend. "Tiffany" (I love that) probably called the folks at Disney, and there is a large angry Mouse on his way to wherever the hell you live in Oregon or Washington. And you may not know this but Disney has a reputation for playing hardball with people who defame them. Maybe Felix the Cat will fight him off for you.
Oh, wait. You didn't defame them. You recommended the stock. I defamed them.
Come and get me, Mickey!
RJ
OH MICKEY YOURE SO FINE YOURE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND HEY MICKEY! HEY MICKEY!
Well, I tried. But I guess you're just a big silly!
I'd love to talk and sing along with you, BFF, but I am busy culling Wikipedia articles about "grifting" so that I can post really ponderous, self-righteous entries like your other BFF.
Good luck with the angry Mouse!
RJ
I almost forgot.
English muffin and Irish Breakfast tea for starters, lunch was at a place called Bon Soup, and I had . . .soup! Lentil soup, and it was superb. Plus a small glass of Pinot Noir.
Because I know you all care.
La Bonne Soupe? On 48W and 55th? Read the reviews. Lentil's not my thing, makes Mr. Russo have gas.
I don't think it's the soup.
Good for you, BFF! It's a nice place, although a bit crowded. It was only my second time there. And sorry about Mr. Biernat's gas. A little Beano before the meal and he might be able to have lentils.
If you're interested, I have a killer recipe for black bean soup.
And speaking of delicious recipes, Mitzi, I made the Hamentaschen (sp?) and they were wonderful. I passed them out last week at the office and everybody raved.
By the way, BFF, in a few minutes I am meeting friends at The Joshua Tree for dinner. Let me know what the reviews say!
I'll take that recipe, thank you very much! We keep black beans on hand for the brownies Mr. Russo likes so much. It's that glueten free recipe, you know. We haven't gotten to bread yet--which reminds me, I have to go on e-bay and get a bread maker--so I can't make Miss P's watercress sandwiches.
Alas, no, I'm not going to look up Joshua Tree, don't feel like it. I'm a fickle girl, don'cha know. . .
My goodness, it is so quiet over on Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy's forum, except for Ms. Russophile's plaint regarding that alarming phone call from a Miss Tiffany. And all her business lines. It must have been so very unnerving.
I do hope poor Ms. H/M/M's silence does not present any cause for concern. The last time she stayed quiet for so long, there had been that little problem raising bail money. Let's all hope that challenge has not reared its nasty little head again.
Sighhhh. So many calls. So few bondsmen.
Its okay Omer we got the car finally back by paying the 14 bucks. Big Mama broke out the old three card monte scam and we worked the atreet corner near the dealership until some rube was willing to play enough to lose forteen bucks. So Big Mama herself raised the money it took! Shes still got it! Big Daddy says shes still the sme girl he married all them years ago. He was mighty proud.
Your bro
Gomer
Oh. Oh, dear. Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy, I am just so relieved to hear you're not back in jail.
Your absences do give one a fright, my dear, with your history of jail, getting raped, being beaten up and/or pistol whipped, outstanding warrants, pursuit by creditors, pursuit by process servers, frequent name changes. Why, one stays almost in a constant tizzy wondering what we'll hear next.
Anyhoo, dear. At least you're safe for now. I told Felineus this, and he promptly went to his litter box and kicked out some crusties. The little scamp. See how happy he was, too.
You know, Penny, the more I learn about Ms. Hamou's personal history (which may be a little embellished, but still . . .), the more I am reminded of an old serial called The Perils of Pauline that starred an actress named Pearl White. It dates from the teens, but they did a film about her life starring Betty Hutton years later. I saw it when I was a little girl and it made me curious, so I watched some of the old films when I had the chance. The acting was pretty bad (so was Hutton's, for that matter), but there was certainly a vitality present that reminds me of Ms. Hamou's. Each week Pauline would be entrapped in the most improbable, life-threatening situation and by the next week she would have emerged from it through the most improbable, unbelievable means, and the audience just lapped it up. No one ever said, hey, wait a minute, this makes no sense whatsoever. Remind you of any narrative we know?
So I'm thinking that "Literary" Oma, i.e. the brain cells that produced her movie script (brain cells that actually belong to another person, apparently, but let's not bog down in sordid details) should concoct an ongoing serial called The Perils of Oma Hamou and try and market that.
Oh, and steel-cut oatmeal this morning. And a cup of Harney and Sons Assam. I'm wearing a gray suit with a white blouse, gray pumps and a small emerald pin that was my mother's. I knew you'd want to know about the breakfast, everyone. My wardrobe is a bonus!
Minions, I have received a report from one of your own regarding the missing twin-axle van.
Downriver from that hole in the bridge, a bumper was found with the Utah LRD-ASS plate still attached. A bumper sticker was also attached, but part of it had been scraped away so that it read only, "Save the Wh--es".
The mystery is that an empty bag of Cheetoh's was snagged on the end of the bumper. Apparently that cloud was bigger than I thought, and the van had time to get to Victorville and was heading back southwest when it went through the bridge. The Cheetoh's bag provides a likely explanation for the mishap, though.
I will be keeping a lookout for survivors. A world without our hale and hearty Thetan 7 Kirsty Allee would hardly be worth watching, now, would it?
As for the rest of the women, well, no biggie (in the sense of no big loss, of course).
And pay no attention to the news from France. That court case was a hoax.
Your Lord and Master,
The Grand Shovel
Greetings and good news, minions.
I am pleased to announce that Thetan Level 7 Kirsty Allee has been found. She was spotted bobbing through a river canyon headed for the ocean and hauled out by two men who just happened to have a tow truck and a long, heavy chain. You can't keep a good woman down, it seems. Or a large one, either.
Not that they matter, but four other women have been found as well. Mesdames Lizzie Tailor, Tine Daily, and Cathy Baits have the honor to join a Thetan Level 7 in being rescued.
The remaining woman is not yet identified. She had several ID's on her and credit cards in an array of names, plus several soggy checkbooks in various names. All the police put out over their radios was that she was very short and very, very tightly packed into a dress that had several "size 8" labels clumsily sewn into it.
As her fingers had shriveled from being in the water so long, they have not yet fingerprinted her to determine which, if any, of her ID's are authentic. They could not get any sense out of her, as she just kept sputtering "Nicky, Nicky, make them leave me alone" over and over again as they were pulling her out of the water.
Once again, my birthday party on Saturday made the Austin newspaper's Social column, it was a great time, and thanks to you guys who sent your good wishes (and RJ: the champagne was a wonderful and surprise treat, you were SO sweet to have that delivered...)
http://www.austin360.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/outandabout/entries/2009/10/27/rob_mosheins_50.html
Seems to me there is just a lot of parity here and little in the way of parody. . .
How things seem to you has repeatedly been a poor guage of what's actually going on, here and elsewhere.
"Self promotion" is when one HIRES a PR company to create Press Releases to actively promote themselves, just like Oma Hamou did. "Self Promotion" is buying full page ads in Daily Variety and putting your own face on those ads to promote YOURSELF (shameless self promotion is to stiff Reed Elsevier for over $100,000 in UNPAID bills for those ads,) JUST LIKE OMA HAMOU DID.
I only invited a friend to a party, if he chose to write about it for the newspaper because he felt it newsworthy, that's not my doing.
My pleasure, Rob! Now you know what I was really angling to find out when I asked you about champagne a few weeks ago. Glad you enjoyed it.
And Blake sort of has a point, BFF, what with the advice about Disney and all. Which reminds me!
I had a phone call from someone who identified herself only as "Ashli Nicole" (I checked the spelling on Ashli, and yes, she uses an "i" at the end.) She spoke with a Valley Girl accent, which I thought was strange . . . but somehow significant. Anyway, Ashli Nicole identified herself as with the Department of Homeland Security, or it might have been the Department of Motor Vehicles, and said that she had been monitoring this blog for evidence that we were trying to set the foreign policy of the United States. Or new speed limits in Delaware, she wasn't exactly clear about that.
So? Huh? How about that for intimidation! Of course I saw right through Ashli Nicole. It's probably someone from "Team Hamou" (Sweatshirt? SWEATSHIRT!!!!) and they were stalking me!!!! I assume that they were able to get the bank's number, but what was really weird? They didn't call EVERY NUMBER IN THE BUILDING (there are something like 370, but still ---), they ONLY CALLED MINE.
But I am smart, so I saw right through her little ploy. It was totally Oma Ishkabish.
See, BFF? We are having common experiences!!!!
RJ
Rebecca, we are truely sisters from another mother!
And don't worry about the stock hints, Toots, market took another downturn so it's not yet time to go shopping!!
Oh BFF! I watched Sunset Blvd. last night! To DIE for!! Loved it! Loved it!! Gloria Swanson! Ah! She really kicks some major patootie, don'cha think?
Oh, forgot. Rachel's again for lunch --- omelette with smoked salmon. Breakfast was a cinnamon bun (bad) and a French roast.
Knew you'd care.
I think Gloria Swanson in that role is a very interesting person for you to crush on, BFF. Norma Desmond, crazed actress who lives totally in the past, nursing her bitterness, having inappropriate relations with men (of course it is Bill Holden, so who wouldn't?), still seeing herself as beautiful despite all physical evidence to the contrary . . . wow. Sounds kind of familiar. Of course, Oma was never an actress, but still.
"Ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille!"
At least I'm thinking about Holden.
Thanks for that, BFF!
Oh, and be careful about mentioning the market tips to me, Michelle! Tiffany is probably reading this!
*sigh*
Sometimes, BFF, I don't know if we COMMUNICATE properly!
I'm talking about her PERFORMANCE. The eyes, the voice, those lovely hands, she had hands like Barbara Hutton's. Those hands used as props. When she grabs Bill after her suicide attempt, it's like a claw digging into his shoulder. . . oh she had talent. .
I know, BFF, sometimes it seems like we are completely being dishonest with each other. Go fig, right?
But still, the Norma Desmond thing is interesting. Anyway, did you know Swanson lost to Judy Holliday at the Oscars?
Good day, pets. The cats and I are a little blue this morning. With Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy off to Deer Lodge County again, it's just a tad lonely around here, now isn't it?
Ah, well. You know what they say about revisiting the scene of the crime. I guess it's just a primal urge.
It's too early for a watercress sandwich, so what to do? What to do?
Oh. I know. I'll see you all later. Bye, bye, my dears.
Oma Hamou wrote on her forum:
Prove that Oma was never an actress! You cannot prove that I know, because you would have to be able to get every single pay record of every single movie, television show, and advertisment created within her lifetime to prove that none of them were her, and I am sure you do not have the ability to do that.You would also need all the names of everyone who acted in every single play in the entire country as well, and I am quite certain you do not have that information either.
Darling, if I have to comb through every single record in the universe to be able to say you weren't an actor or a model, how about if I qualify it this way? You weren't an actor or a model of whom anyone --- anyone at all --- ever heard.
Feel better?
Or perhaps you could name a single credit? Or are you afraid that we could somehow get at you through imdb.com (which by the way, Oma, is in fact a very good index to people who have performed on screen or television during your lifetime.)
Honestly. "I was so good that you cannot prove I ever did anything!" I mean, what the hell?
RJ
Sorry it has taken me so long to report, O Mighty Shovel, but as I keep trying to tell you, O Master of the Seven Levels and Guardian of the Gates of Despair, there is only one of me left! If we don't recover from the deadly events of the last month when the cat on the airplane killed so many minions when it saw them trying to catch its' mistress (hereafter known as the Texas Plane Saw Massacre), I am not going to be able to round up every rotund actress in Hollywood. Or Victorville. I just don't have the upper body strength to haul these women anywhere, O Keeper of the Flame of Theta! I just don't! I hate to complain, but under the Minion Disability Act of 1436, I am entitled to at least partial retirement at this point. I had a recruitment table last week at a Minions Employment Fair in Salt Lake City. You know we usually do well there, O Mighty Shovel, thanks to a certain tendency on the part of some Utah natives to fall hook, line and sinker for a line of balderdash, but even Mormons weren't convinced that our benefits package and retirement fund offset the risk of being, as one of them put it, "squashed like a bug" if You-Know-Who tripped and fell. I tried the usual trick of showing them pictures of her jumping over campfires, target shooting in short-shorts and the old ace in the hole, humping rocks, but it didn't do any good. Possible minions just laughed at them and asked if we had seen her lately, and what could I say, O Grand Vizier of the Sith and Dark Lord of the Left Side of the Universe?
So I want to help, really I do, but you have to send more minions from Theta, err, France to help me recruit among the huma --- err, natives.
Oh, I almost forgot. Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall.
Ah, I see we're back to the old, decade old, Oma Hamou OLD routine:
"I'm an ACTRESS DAMMIT! I say so, so I AM one and don't have to prove a thing to anyone, just my saying so makes it TRUE! You "can't prove a negative" so nyah nyah nyah."
"EVERYONE in the Movie business stiffs people for advertising, goods and services ALL THE TIME, so that makes is OK. I can pay them ten cents on the dollar and screw them for the rest, but hey I paid SOMETHING so who cares? I mean, ten thousand banks a month are robbed in the US, so its ok for someone to rob a bank once in a while. Bernie Madoff did nothing wrong, HE paid something, so what if he screwed them out of the rest.....
I'm OMA dammit. So its OK to owe people hundreds of thousands of dollars, whats the big deal? "
Don't get too upset, Rebecca, about Madame Hamou's various semantic antics in trying to pole vault over the truth.
If someone put on a resume that they had a degree from a certain college or that they held a certain job and a prospective employer checked standard sources and could find no such records, then the burden of proof is on the applicant making the claim, not on the employer to prove the claim is not true.
Just so with Ms. Hamou. If she says she is an actress, but cannot be found in industry sources such as IMDB, then the burden is on her to prove her assertion -- at least if she expects anyone to believe her.
Yes, that old "semantic" game again. Saying "Enigma" (the long closed inactive California corporation) "owes" Reed Elsevier for over $100,000 in unpaid ads. EXCEPT, I'm holding a certified copy of the complaint filed in New York City (03112486 on Jul 08. 2003) which specifically sues OMA HAMOU, an individual. The bills attached as evidence are all to OMA HAMOU... . So, let them try to "spin" reality... until they can prove otherwise, which they never do...
Moshein, you in a heap of trouble, boy.
Criminal complaints have been lodged against you by Oma Hamou and we're throwing the book at you:
Stalking a Stalker
Exposing a Grifter
Reading Public Records
Quoting Public Records
Making Fun of a Moron
Making Fun of a Moron's Friend
Ridiculing a Stripper
Not Appreciating Art Photography
Not Appreciating Pubescent Kink
Listing a Felon's Known Aliases
Warning Others of a Scam
Demanding Proof of Absurd Claims
Finding Out Things
Winning a Lawsuit
Boy, are you gonna spend a long time in jail. Maybe almost as much as Hamou.
Get ready to bend over and grab the soap, you yahoo.
Fred
The Department of Downhome Security
Oma, sweetheart, I was not trying "desperately" to turn my BFF --- and yours, I'm sure --- against you by pointing out that "Tiffany" was you, merely suggesting the most probable identity of the con artist. I know that Mrs. Biernat is bound to you with iron chains of invincible . . . well, let's just be kind, as dear Penelope would say, and chalk it up to "ignorance". Works for me.
You are, however, absolutely wrong about how imdb works, as a simple email to them will confirm. I suppose it is understandable, since computers did not exist the last time you had something to do with the entertainment industry, but still, girlfriend, you could at least go to the trouble of checking your sources.
Good to bring "Snoopy" out of storage, though, isn't it? Finally you can stop posting as prissy Debbie and get back to the down home cussin' that says "West Virginia" like nothing else. It must be a great relief.
Oh, and Michelle? Not so much with the homophobic remarks, okay? I know it's hard when you're running with a bad set, but I think you're better than that.
Maybe not.
Off to the weekend I go.
Happy shabbos to all.
So I'm glad the pastry was a hit, Beckele and I admire you for even trying to make it. Fritzi's first wife couldn't boil water, let alone make dinner for Purim; when I gave her Aunt Masada's recipe she looked at it like a lox and went out and bought the cookies at a store if you can believe it.
I see she is writing as "Handmaiden" again and lecturing that strange Russophile person about hanging out with us on this forum. So nu, Russophile, listen to your friend Omele and stop coming around. I know Rebecca would be sad because you two seem to have hit it off, but you don't want to annoy Omele because, darling, that woman knows how to stalk and who knows how she would react if you don't do what she wants?Meanwhile, darling Oma, why is it that when everyone except for poor Russophile stops posting over there it is because you all have such interesting lives but when I don't post for a couple of days I have to be out of town with Robbele in California? In fact, darling, I was traveling, just not to California. Thanks to your anti-Semitic remarks Nitzi's movie has fallen through with Mr. S., and we are now shopping A Matter of Personality Disorder to other production companies, preferably those run by goys because, honestly, Oma, why take the chance of it happening again? So I spent some time with my sisters because Nitzana was a little sad, as you can imagine, since your own movie deal fell through awhile back and it hurts, doesn't it? Of course we all thank G-d that Nitzana hadn't arranged for anything like full-page ads in Variety or anything so that she would be leftowing a lot of money and have to skip out on the bills. They did have a huge party to announce th movie with fabulous catered food that Nitzana described in some articles on her website, but luckily it was an imaginary party so that she didn't actually have to go to the trouble of having it . . . or paying for it.
But I just wanted to say that the Kedem family now shares your pain, Omele, what with having our own ticket to fortune and fame cancelled out from under us. And like you, we are prepared to assign blame for it and spend a long time whining about it on the internet.
You're like an inspiration, darling!
Mitzi
Hello, readers. I'm sorry to have been distracted from keeping you apprised of my continuing researches into Grand Duchess Bubbalova Romanova's papers and diaries. But ever since the story broke about hookers and drug use in Bernie Madoff's offices I've been tied up trying to keep the GD's descendents' names from being linked to the story. As some of you know, they lost a mint when the ponzi scheme collapsed, and that has beeen quite enough bad press for the family. The rumors that one of the hookers went by the stage name of The White Grand Duchess are completely unfounded, I assure you.
Now, on to the diaires. I felt compelled to post today, because November 2 plays a prominent role in GD Bubba's diaries.
In the late 1920's she had attended a seance in Hoboken at which the seer told her that on November 2, 1962 a child would be conceived in a mountainous state in the back of a green 1951 Mercury with a Merc-O-Matic transmission. (This was apparently a very detailed vision.) That child would be destined to receive the spirit of the GD Bubba upon her demise.
What GD Bubba did not grasp until some years later was that her own conduct in the coming years would inform the later development into womanhood of that unborn child.
So as HIH GD Bubba partied through the 1930's, developed her habit of shedding the upper parts of her garments on any and all occasions, began to mooch off her friends for financial support and then to trick out of people what they did not give willingly, tried subconsciously to find a replacement for her dear father the Grand Duke Dadi Pedovich in her male relationships, and tried to convince her mother that it really was fortunate that the abortion attempt at the Hoboken Horse Hospital did not take, the GD Bubba imparted more and more of her own life patterns into the coming receptacle of her spirit.
The only thing GD Bubba never figured out from that ill-starred seance was the meaning of a cryptic rhyme the seer recited over and over during the night. And each year afteward, right up until her death, the GD Bubba repeated this eerie rhyme in her diary, as if thereby to hope to dispel its disturbing and murky message:
Oh, avert my eyes
May you from from my thighs
A child produce
Here to induce
A thing most crude
Mating and screwed
On a dank dark night
Under a car's rooflight.
A granola bar and a cup of coffee this morning, busy with meetings.
Oma and my BFF are now discussing home improvements. Well, if it keeps them from making the usual anti-Semitic, anti-gay remarks, gor for it with your Martha Stewart selves, girlfriends.
By the way, for those following these blogs (and I know there are thousands), when Oma posts that she has not written on her forum in months, and that "Handmaiden" is a separate person, yada yada yada, she is doing what we call "lying", kids.
She's good at it. Not as good as she thinks she is (can I get an "Amen" from the various district attorneys who have prosecuted her?) but still, she has had more encounters with law enforcement than anyone I know, and like the Energizer bunny, she is still ticking along, posting the bullshit.
I spent the weekend mulching my garden. Myself, if you can believe it, because that's the kind of frontier girl I am.
RJ
You know I would, girlfriend!
I'd write more, but I am still laughing too hard at Oma's most recent post as "Handmaiden" to concentrate. It just kills me when Oma decides to write as she imagines a lady would, and then of course can't help but making comments that are defamatory about the mentally challenged. Honestly, Oma, is there any group other than rich old men for whom you can muster up any enthusiasm?
And I am not a spring chicken, but I do still look lovely. Thanks, BFF! And if it makes you happy --- and you know that's my chief aim in life, Mrs. Biernat --- I think Nancy Pelosi is kind of a grind, as we used to say back at Miss P.'s. I have met her twice, once at a fundraiser and once privately, and she didn't impress me much.
But I'm sure you won't allow anything that might resemble public health care to make its' way into your lovely state, BFF. Well . . . lovely because you're there.
Hmm, I think I can go back to mulching! I have enough new material! (And please tell your other BFF that the fecal joke was just killingly funny! Also, her remarks are "anti-Semitic", not anti-Semetic. She's made this mistake a couple of times, so I don't think it is a typo. Oh, the perils of a public high school education, huh?)
Rob,
I really do apologize for straying into political discussion with my remarks about Nancy Pelosi. I wish you had a "coffee shop" section like Oma does so we could go and talk about things like that, but then again --- why bother? Anyone who would buy Ms. H's line of nonsense is obviously going to have credibility issues on a wide range of topics, including politics.
My BFF is a little scamp, though, isn't she? Coming over here and being all sassy and such? She's a madcap!
Rebecca
Dear BFF,
Hmm. Apparently Rob deleted you? So much for sassiness. Also, dear, you are apparently confused as to how much my job involves Oregon politics. That would be . . . oh, yeah. Not at all.
I appreciate the cleverness in attempting to smoke me out as a pretender, though, by cleverly sprinkling posts with your interpretations of public policy. There you go, being scampish again!
Seriously? I have spent most of my professional life abroad in either the Middle East or the United Kingdom. I have seen first-hand the benfits of public health care for the poor, the elderly, and those plunged by economic downturn into an inability to pay their own way. I appreciate the fact that rock-ribbed libratarians like yourself are opposed to it, and I hope you and Ayn Rand will be happy with your medical care in whatever Brave New World Oregon is on its' way to becoming.
In the meantime, I will do my job, earn my living ( a very good living, thank God), and will continue to contribute to as many godless liberal causes as possible. I'm well enough off that I can indulge myself this way, sort of like sending along 5K to Pushkin just to one-up your other BFF. It just feels good!
Ms P.
You are quite right. I have NEVER EVER EVER called the offices of any low rent franchised insurance office in Portland Oregon, under ANY name, much less my own. That statement is, as the rest of the baseless unsubstantiated bullcrap on the OmaHamou website...FALSE. Let them prove it. notice they claim to have spoken to Mme. Sautova, but offer NOTHING to prove it. They similarly claim I made phone calls I NEVER MADE.
They have nothing of substance to say. So, they resort to fiction. Bad fiction at that.
No Penelope,
Bob never called anyone in Portland either. THAT is another outright lie. At least the psycho posting on the Oma Hamou site admitted that the Biernat owned franchised insurance agency "benefit design group" is a low rent operation that proudly admits convicted felon for charges of passing bad checks and that same convicted felon who is now standing charges for Felony Forgery is a close admired friend.
Oma, my little nafkeh,
Why so grumpy? I'm real, and you know it, darling. You gave an interview to my sister Nitzana, remember? Letters to Putin, hair pulled severely back, glasses perched on your nose, severe black, you were adorable, such a business woman / intellectual, I was so impressed. I think my favorite part was when you gave Nitzi the candle, bubbele; it must have set you back two bucks at Target --- Nitzi said it was scented, and you get what you pay for, as Aunt Masada used to say --- and as we know from your own words, money has been tight.
Wow, someone called that loopy Russophile lady and said that he was Bob Atchison? Did it sound like "Tiffany"???
I ask because I care, darling.
Mitzi
"Versuses"?
Oy, Rebecca, you weren't kidding about the public high school education. Although to be fair, I went to Erasmus over in Brooklyn and received a wonderful education. Maybe Michigan didn't have the resources.
But points to you, Omele for not taking the name of the Lord in vain, darling. He appreciates your use of the hyphen when you are sprinkling "G-dams" all over the place.
It's the little things, darling.
Thanks, Mitzi. I just laughed so hard I almost choked.
I want to know where the hell Lil Bit gets off saying that we aint real. We're here blood family and even though she always afcts real ashamed of that she knows good and goddam well that whjever she gets herself into shit which is about everyt few weeks she runs back to us to cover her ass. Homer cant do shit beause hes in the big house but Omer and me have been helping hwer out for years like right now who the hell do you think is keeping up with Dromer over there at that limey school? You people on this forum think your king shit but you aint even fart the messenger you dont have no idea what family means which is what makes it so sad that Lil Bit cant even be good to us now way. You should be ashamed of yourself Lil Bit Big Mama has been crying fit to be at the band. be true to them what loves you is what I say,. sis.
Rebecca,
Thanks for forwarding the psycho rantings to me! Gave me a great laugh this morning too.
Quite right that while I never said Bob was "actively participating" in restoring the Alexander Palace (and how could he? Pallasart keeps him tied up full time with customers and new projects) at least "Team Hamou" does acknowledge that the Restoration team at the AP DOES consult with Bob and are using the information he is providing them. A direct quote to Bob: "I hear many words of respect and gratitude about you in Pavlovsk and Tsarskoe Selo museums."
The funniest part is the huge Freudian slip from the snoopy sockpuppet "we or Oma is going to sue you..."
It really is the funniest when she gets SOOO worked up that she has to unleash "snoopy" to be vulgar and ranting, and her spelling and grammar descend to the dirt floor West Virginia white trash roots and she rants so much she makes these sort of admissions....
The handmaiden sockpuppet is almost as dreadfully boring and stupid as "sandman", the hypocritical self rightousness is the only amusing part of that one. I only hope that she keeps the adolescent girl character away from the "Mike" character lest she end up on "Hose n Toes" pervert website.
And I KNOW you care SO MUCH Mitzi and that's why you keep posting. You are playing with me in the gutter just like everybody else on Mr. Moshein's twisted forum. Makes you no better than the rest of us.
Shalom!
Russophile, darling, I wasn't playing with you at all. I was addressing Oma in my post. You I don't know from Adam's house cat, and frankly, darling, we should probably keep it that way. You make me nervous with the violence threats and everything. I'm sorry that you and Robbele don't get along, darling, but what am I supposed to do about it? This is his forum, right? So if he is going to delete you, oy, darling, maybe you should try and play nicer or something.
And try to get yourself out of the gutter.
Darling, I post because I care. Poor baby, why is that so hard to understand? After all, darling,don't you and all of the imaginary people post because you care about Omele? Think of it like that and maybe it will help you relate.
And Oma, don't you worry, darling. I know where Nitzana is.
Shalom!
Actually Mitz, I have my own agenda.
Oy, now Oma is passing out the business advice. Businesses should not waste money. Well, unless it is someone else's money, and who would know more about that than you, darling.
That's wonderful, Russophile, and good luck with it! You'll be out of that gutter in no time at all.
Only time for a quick look-see. I skipped breakfast because I had an early meeting, but made up for it at lunch with a reuben and fries. Knew you'd all want to know!
RJ
Oh, drat the bother, my dears. I was so engrossed in the above interchange that Mewlie came up and swiped my watercress sandwich right off my plate. That was the last piece of fresh goat cheese in the house, so now what am I to do until I can get to the market? I would send sweet old Sadie, but she's still got a stack of ironing to do, and no one can press lace like Sadie. Rufus is out getting the car washed, anyway.
It seems a lot more has been going on over on Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy's forum than I have been able to follow. I just can't seem to hold the magnifying glass to the screen long enough to read some of those tediously-long and repetitive posts of hers. But thank goodness for our intrepid dear Rebecca who seems to keep up so well.
I am still perplexed over one thing I did read in which Ms. H/M/M said no one has proved one single thing they post about her. My goodness me. Are all those civil and criminal court records and arrest records not proof? For the life of little old me, I simply cannot figure out why a specific cite to a court record that contains a criminal conviction or a civil judgment would not be considered proof by a reasonably sane person.
Oh, dear. I think I just answered my own question. Tee hee. Never mind, pets.
"we or Oma is going to sue you..."
You all is?
Did anyone tell Google that their "Google Earth" is some sort of evil "stalker" thing? I guess I'm stalking the people who now live in my old place in LA because I looked it up on Google Earth.
I can't wait for "Snoopy v Bob Atchison" "Handmaiden v Rob Moshein" the Courts will LOVE those lawsuits.
OHHH, And doesn't that old lime green Gremlin without bumpers and the filthed up yellow powdered interior have a bumper sticker "Don't laugh, its PAID FOR"? I thought it did. At least they're proud of owning crap.
Uh oh. I guess Snoopy was serious when he said they or Oma is going to sue. Rob just got a cease and desist letter from Snoopy's attorney. Here it is:
November 5, 2009
Dear Mr. Moshein:
I represent Mr. Snoopy, who is very frustrated and finds it libelous and defamatory that you think he is his heroine, Ms. Oma Hamou, a very important, beautiful, and well-connected size-8 business executive / actress / model / exhibitionist who never reads or posts on her own forum but is very upset about this nevertheless.
I hereby demand that you cease and desist from your libelous and defamatory conduct in claiming Mr. Snoopy is Ms. Hamou and from your merciless pointing out of various inconvenient truths that so upset my client he cannot hold his Milk Bones down and has rendered him so depressed that he has lost all interest in leg humping. If you do not, Mr. Snoopy will have no choice but to sue you for damaging his reputation as a faithful and honorable dog and depriving various legs of consanguinity.
Sincerely,
Phideaux P. Goofy
Aarf, Bark & Yap, LLC
Snoopy! So that's where you went, dog? Some funk about an internet flame war?
We've been keeping our pants dry and our socks clean just waiting for you.
What more do we need to do? Shave?
Come on, man (er, dog) up, you moron. We need you. And we know you need us.
Why, yes, it can get stranger.
Sister Oma, as you move from town to town please try to avoid the town of Jezreel or any place that sounds like it, for lo, it is written:
2 Kings 9:36
On the plot of ground at Jezreel dogs will devour Jezebel's flesh.
And please try to avoid getting backed into any corners, although I know you've had your troubles with that before:
Psalms 22:16
Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me . . .
And, finally, a word of advice to your friend Snoopy:
Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
May the Lord protect you, sister Oma, from your friends as well as your enemies.
Lo, and goodbye for now.
Those must be some images on Google earth.
I just was sent a link to a secret audio recording of a conversation between Handmaiden and her attorney. The sender has been following this blog and thinks it's a riot, so she thought I might want to hear this:
Lawyer: Hello, Miss Handmaiden. Or is it Mrs. Handmaiden? [a low, throaty chuckle]
Handmaiden: [a tweety, tremulous voice] No, it's Miss. But please call me Debbie.
Lawyer: Sure. Debbie what?
Handmaiden: Just Debbie.
Lawyer: Uh, okay. Debbie. How can I help you today? And, by the way, I just love that gown. From your high school prom?
Handmaiden: No. It was a prop for a movie I was going to make, but that fell through. So now I'm wearing it for a new movie I'm making with an old director friend down in the Valley.
Lawyer: Wow. What's it about?
Handmaiden: Did you ever see "The Scarlet Empress" with Marlene Dietrich?
Lawyer: By Sternberg?
Handmaiden: Well, he's stern, but he's no berg when I come out of this dress, if you know what I mean.
Lawyer: No, no. I meant ... Well, never mind. What did you want to see me about today, Debbie?
Handmaiden: I need to sue somebody.
Lawyer: For what?
Handmaiden: Libel, defamation, and lying. And saying mean things about me and my daughter.
Lawyer: Okay. How do they identify you when they say these things?
Handmaiden: As Handmaiden.
Lawyer: Well, I'm sorry, but that's not good enough. Do they know who you are?
Handmaiden: They know I'm Debbie.
Lawyer: Debbie who?
Handmaiden: Just Debbie.
Lawyer: I'm not sure you understand how this works. There are thousands of Debbie's out there. People would have to know which Debbie is being defamed.
Handmaiden: I am.
Lawyer: Yes, but which Debbie are you?
Handmaiden: The Handmaiden one.
Lawyer: Is there any other way people could identify you?
Handmaiden: I have a daughter.
Lawyer: What's her name?
Handmaiden: The assholes on Rob Moshein's forum call her Pita and Breadstick.
Lawyer: Are those her names?
Handmaiden: No.
Lawyer: Then that doesn't help.
Handmaiden: Why not? I want those mutha fukkers sued, dammit.
Lawyer: Miss Debbie, or Handmaiden, or whoever you are ... I don't think I can help you.
Handmaiden: Can you help Justin sue them?
Lawyer: Justin who?
Handmaiden: Just Justin.
Lawyer: Afraid not. I'm sorry I can't be of service. But when's your new movie coming out? I'd like to see it.
Handmaiden: I'm not sure. There was some kind of problem with some of the actors forging proof they were not minors, and the director is moving his equipment to another warehouse, er studio. It could be a few days before we have it in the can.
Lawyer: Since we didn't get very far here, I'll only charge you $25 for the consultation.
Handmaiden: Will you take a check?
I just got another tape recording sent to me, this time of a phone call. Thought you'd like to hear it:
Receptionist: Good morning. Fitch, Pitch & Snitch. How may I direct your call?
Caller: I want to talk to the SOB who taped that meeting with my friend.
Receptionist: Who may I say is calling, please.
Caller: Mr. Snoopy.
Receptionist: I'm sorry, sir. That doesn't sound like a real name.
Caller: Okay, okay. It's Justin.
Receptionist: Justin who?
Caller: Just Justin.
Receptionist: Do you know which of our attorneys your friend met with?
Caller: No. But you might remember her.
Receptionist: Can you describe her?
Caller: She is a stunningly beautiful woman with a strikingly elegant jawline who looks much taller than she is. She was wearing a fabulously expensive designer evening gown that the police and everybody compliment. It was a size 8.
Receptionist: Well, I do remember that dress. She met with Mr. Chaser, although I remember the meeting didn't last long. Please hang on. I'll put you through . . . . (buzzing sound)
Lawyer: Otto Chaser here.
Caller: This is Mr. Snoopy, you sleazy sonuvabitch. You taped your meeting with my friend Miss Handmaiden. And I'm going to sue you.
Lawyer: What the hell are you talking about?
Caller: Why did you tape my friend?
Lawyer: It's a policy here to turn on a tape recorder any time it becomes apparent a visitor to our offices might not be, er, stable.
Caller: You arrogant prick. What gives you the right to say Om . . . er, Handmaiden is not stable?
Lawyer: Cripes. Have you seen the woman? And that dress.
Caller: I'm going to sue you, you G--damn bastard.
Lawyer: You don't have a cause of action, you idiot. Unless, of course . . . hey, wait a minute. That voice. I've heard it befo . . . (click) Hello? Hello?
Mr. Springpasture, my dear. I do so appreciate your posting these conversations. It's somewhat disappointing that Mr. Snoopy actually uses the same language in conversation that he uses in posts. But really, what is one to expect?
And these conversations conjure up such vivid imagery. Why, one can almost see Miss Handmaiden swooping with a swish and a rustle into the law offices, grandly attired and standing on tippy toe to peer regally over the top of the receptionist's partition as she announces her arrival.
What a shame the meeting ended so badly for her, though, my pets. I do hope that Mr. Chaser's apparent irritation with Mr. Snoopy had nothing to do with that check Miss Handmaiden left with him.
I know I'm not quite the worldliest of people, my dears, but could someone please explain to me that movie Miss Handmaiden mentioned? Just what kind of movie is made in a few days in a warehouse in the Valley?
The dress says "Gone With the Wind", but everything else seems to say something somewhat less ambitious.
"Debbie."
"Debbie what?"
"Just Debbie."
"Justin."
"Justin what?"
"Just Justin."
"Sandman."
"Sandman what?"
"Just Sandman."
The lawsuits should be priceless. Like Tweety-Bird, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck suing Mel Blanc.
No breakfast this morning, but a terrific lunch, and several of us from the office are headed out to Brother Jimmy's for drinks.
Also, not for anything, Oma, but on the only official document we've seen, it lists you as 5'0 and 150 lbs. Since I've never been taken into custody, I am unfamiliar with how that works. Do they measure you, or does the booking officer just sort of guesstimate? At some point I remember your screeching because someone posted a driver's license of some kind? Is that still up anywhere? Do California licenses list the height and weight of the carrier?
"Rebecca."
"Rebecca what?"
"Rebecca Jordan."
Oh, snap, girlfriend.
Unhh ... I found this bra she left behind from our last shoot and I can't get the blasted thing turned back around. The cups are too damn small.
Wait a minute. I think I got it. Yep, there it goe ...
Oh. Snap!
I just got an e-mail from S. Spielburg's assistant. It turns out someone had put a tape recorder under the dash of that green Gremlin. They tried to have it fingerprinted, but the prints didn't look human. So how it got there is a mystery.
1st Male Voice: There's someone following us.
Muffled Female Voice: (a rustling and crunching noise) Turn down the next alley.
2nd Male Voice: Where are we heading?
Muffled Female Voice: It doesn't matter (crunch, crunch) for now. Just keep off the regular streets. (a loud bang followed by a thump) G--dammit. What did you hit, you a--hole?
1st Male Voice: Nothing. The rear end is dragging too low and there was a dip at this alley entrance.
Muffled Female Voice: Don't hit any garbage cans. But if you do, I've (crunch, crunch) got some trash back here that needs to go.
2nd Male Voice: (voice goes shrill) Wha ... what the hell is that?
1st Male Voice: Whaddya mean. I don't see anyth . . . Holy shit! Is that what I think it is?
Muffled Female Voice: What's (crunch) going on up there?
2nd Male Voice: I think some kind of flying saucer is following us.
1st Male Voice: Shit, shit, shit. What do I do now?
Muffled Female Voice: Were you born yesterday, you jerk? Turn off the car lights.
1st Male Voice: Well, okay. (long pause with only the sound of scraping metal in the background) Shit. It's still following us.
Muffled Female Voice: How?
2nd Male Voice: I think it's the sparks flying off the bumper. Can you lighten it up back there?
Muffled Female Voice: F--k you. I'm a size 8. (crunch, crunch, rustling noise, cruch) It's not my fault you pricks got this piece of junk.
2nd Male Voice: It's what was in your front yard.
Muffled Female Voice: Well, it is a very elegant classic. That's all I can be seen in.
1st Male Voice: (in an undertone) You've got to be kidding me.
Muffled Female Voice: What'dya say, a--hole? (crunch)
2nd Male Voice: You two stop it. We've got to shake that flying saucer.
1st Male Voice: Damn. What now?
Muffled Female Voice: What's going on?
1st Male Voice: There are some funny looking little men chasing us down. I don't know how, but they're gaining on us. (sound of a roaring engine followed by a rapid sequence of scraping noises)
Muffled Female Voice: Ow. OW! Slow down, you dirtbag. I can't eat back here.
2nd Male Voice: Do you want these things to catch up to us or would you rather keeping chugging down those Cheetohs? (lengthy pause) Well?
Muffled Female Voice: Give me a minute. (speeded up rustling and series of loud crunches). Ohfw kayff. Gun it. (engine roar gets louder but scraping noises don't speed up)
2nd Male Voice: We can't go any faster. And those little men are gaining on us.
Muffled Female Voice: Okay, okay. Everybody calm down. I've got an idea. Head for the airport. Snooopy, do you have a cigarette lighter?
2nd Male Voice: Yeah. Why?
Muffled Female Voice: Get it ready.
2nd Male Voice: For what?
Muffled Female Voice: You'll see when we get to the airport. (very loud bang followed by prolonged scraping noise and two louds bumps) Goooooooodddammmmmmit, Mike Newson. Watch where you're going.
1st Male Voice: You wanna drive, then you drive, Om ... er, Handmaiden. You oughtta be glad we got out of that alley alive.
Muffled Female Voice: Do you see any convenience marts?
2nd Male Voice: Yeah. Why?
Muffled Female Voice: Pull over. (one last long scraping noise, followed by one bump and a loud curse and then the tape goes dead)
Here's the link to the official San Bernardino Superior Court website that shows "Alexandra McConnell" as being 5'0 tall and 150 pounds:
http://170.164.31.10/openaccess/CRIMINAL/defendantinfo.asp?casenumber=FVI802540&courtcode=X&defnbr=3045972&defseq=1&otnmseq=0&dsn=
So ... who to believe? An official jailhouse booking record on a government website, or a multi-convicted felon who's on the ropes for yet another felony charge?
Yeah, and Oma ... no one who's seen you in court thinks you looked the tiniest smidge over 5'0. They did notice you compulsively pulling your sweater over your wide derriere, though, in what looked like a vain attempt to keep it from drawing attention.
That's just how it shakes (no pun intended), m'dear.
Oops. This blog breaks off the tail of long links. To get to the court page with O's measurements, you'll have to manually type the following as one string in your browser:
http://170.164.31.10/
CRIMINAL/defendantinfo.
asp?casenumber=FVI802540
&courtcode=X&defnbr
=3045972&defseq=
1&otnmseq=0&dsn=
A lot of work, but worth it for a good laugh at her howls of protest that she really is taller. Really, really, really. Taller.
Russophile, you idiot. Hamou has never given one single cite to any professional modeling work she's done. All she's done is posted an ad she paid for and a bunch of soft-core porn shots without any proof they were ever published anywhere by anyone except herself.
If that makes for a "modeling career" in your book, then you're even stupider than I thought.
You can think however you like. You're not man enough to be worth my time, you mindless Moshein syphophant.
Sycophant, you dope.
Perhaps you'd care to give us her actual, verifiable modeling credits?
Yep. Thought not.
Again, that's Miss P's job to provide the spelling. And I'm not giving any info. to you or your buddy Mr. Moshein. Everybody knows you lie. Period.
Not my problem you've been pithed at birth.
Thought so. You don't have any modeling credits you can cite.
A little early to be drinking, though, isn't it?
5'0. Just the way it is.
Still no modeling or acting credits to give us for your friend, the hyper-self-promoting "professional model and actress"?
5'0. Not a bra pad's thickness taller.
You do know they make them take off the spiked heels in the jailhouse, don't you?
I think you meant second-rate pseudo "transcript". A second-rate script would be something like "A Matter of Honour".
Gee, for someone who feels you are not worth her time, Russophile sure spends a lot of time posting to you.
It reminds me of an old joke about two women in a restaurant.
First Woman: God, the food here is awful.
Second Woman: Yes, and the servings are so small.
I post because I CARE. You know I do.
I certainly do, BFF! What I don't understand is why. You know very well that she has no credits whatsoever. Your hatred for Moshein has overwhelmed your capacity for rational thought. Since your other BFF suffers from much the same problem, and it has lead her into multiple personality disorder, I'd be careful with that.
RJ
But BFF, you never did tell me if you had gotten ahold of Kitty Hawks to redo your NYC apartment.
Call it whatever you want, girlfriend. It doesn't change the fact that she can't produce a single photo that looks like a professional shot it for commercial reasons, or adduce a single credit in a television show or movie. I would understand her reticence if she had a general aversion to having her picture on the internet, but no, it's all over the damned thing. And whether she admits it or not, the link to the official record says that she is 5'0 and 150 lbs. Again, what's the big deal? Lots of movie stars are short. Look at that weird little Tom Cruise.
No, I didn't, possibly because you never asked, BFF! Are you thinking of redoing the house? She's a little pricey. My mother actually knew her mother. Isn't that a small world?
Let me guess --- a pied a terre in Portland? Good choice, BFF!
But of course, silly me, suggesting an interior decorator to someone who has Oma as a friend! I've seen the pictures! Start by getting all gussied up to look like the empress of Russia,and having your picture made.
Blow it up to poster size and hang prominently.
It's magic, BFF!
Don't touch that portrait! Homeland Security is going to need it as prosecutorial evidence to show in court that the Hamou woman is drop-dead gorgeous and that the people who say you could carve a totem pole with that chin are vile liars. The FBI has already put it in their digital database, but you know how testy those damned judges are. They want actual evidence instead of just a litigant's assertions. Of course, when we take that portrait off to the evidence room, the police in Montclair are going to be wicked disappointed, because they're still talking about how magnificent that portrait looked in the splendid setting of her vast and expensive home. There was even talk about borrowing it as a jok ... er, elegant backdrop for this year's Policeman's Ball.
Oh, hey guys, forgot to remind you that tonight is the kickoff of my online program for the Bordeaux folks, tomorrow I'm working with a Burgundy winemaker all day with customers, and I have a big Bordeaux tasting class this weekend for at least 50 people. going to be busy, but will try to check in when I can and will answer your emails when I have a minute.
So why did Hamou, a woman who supposedly owns a huge home with many bedrooms and multiple baths, bounce a rent check to Mrs. Batchelor? And why was Hamou bellyaching about her cats dying in Batchelor's house while she was sitting in jail trying to meet bail? Why weren't the cats in Hamou's palatial spread being cared for by the maids she claims to have?
Just because the people she associates with are too stupid to drink without straws is no reason to assume everyone else who reads her forum for laughs and giggles is that stupid.
Rob,
Good luck with everything.
Oma,
You're right. None of the pictures that I have seen were good enough to get into a J.C. Penney's catalogue (and by the way, don't be such a snob, dear, I've seen some of what you consider haute couture. Can we talk about the leopard skin print?). That's really beside the point. If you did have a credit in a J.C. Penney catalog, that would be a credit. You don't. You have a series of mediocre, badly phto-shopped pictures taking by the loving hands of friends, and posted on the internet for all to see. The idea that because there are so many of them on the internet says something about their inherent quality and/or value is laughable. A simpe Google search of your images reveals that all of them were posted by you, Oma, on the various websites that you have run with the purpose of a)whining about your past and b) disparaging Rob Moshein and Bob Atchison. I mean, honestly, dear. Get a grip.
BFF,
My goodness, it was potent Kool-Aid, wasn't it?
RJ
Sorry to disappoint, but we haven't been drinking for a loooong time any alcohol. We've been ill. "Tis the season, don'cha know.
You still haven't told me who your mother was that went hobknobbing around with Slim Hawks-Hayward-Keith.
Who said anything about alcohol?
I didn't know you'd asked about my mother. Aside from her name, which was Elizabeth Jane, what do you want to know? My mother and father knew Leland Hayward and were socially introduced to her as part of the Hayward menagerie. They weren't close friends or anything (they also knew Margaret Hayward through Brooke, and . . . is any of this really interesting?) It was all over long before I was sentient, although Christmas cards were exchanged until well into the 1970s.
And now you know the REST of the story, as dear Paul Harvey used to say.
Just like when a movie gets so bad it actually passes over into the realm of camp and farce, an argument can get so ludicrous that it makes the same passage.
So it is with Madame Hamou's argument that, by virtue of pleading guilty to a felony she was not actually convicted of a felony "by a jury of her peers".
Good thing, too. If she had put the court through the bother of a trial for something of which she was so clearly guilty that she would enter a guilty plea, the judge would have thrown the book at her in sentencing.
Like any semi-competent con artist, she knows how to cut her losses. Except, of course, when it comes to her compulsive internet posting, where the longer she soldiers on trying to spin the illusion of a woman of means, mystery, and artistry, the more and more people find out about her shenanigans and true mess of a life.
Ah, where would we be without such perpetual entertainment?
I find it quite fascinating, really. I liked Slim, a lot. I enjoyed her bio. It's all connected, you know. Sort of a circle of life sort of thing. Were you there when the whole Pam Churcill thing went down? I found it vestly amusing when Maria Von Trapp told Leland and Slim that "God said it was XXXXX amount of money" to be able to film The Sound of Music. Then my Darling Peter told me that she wasn't very nice to the rest of the Von Trapp kids. So! Everything fleshes out.
(Blakey Wakey's always insinuating things about me, BFF. The man's an absolute BORE!)
Bored, Hedley.
Meanwhile, ouch, Oma! Nasty crack about my inability to find a man, dear! Of course, you know what they say. Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?
But since you've brought it up, I always thought that my standards were too high. You can advise me here, Oma. What was it about Marcus Demian that allowed you to become his tenth? eleventh? whatever, wife? I assume that the Empress gown was for the next marriage, or are you sort of a West Virginia Miss Havisham, trailing around in one just for the hell of it? I see the Marcus wedding as being something meaningful, involving the better class of Las Vegas chapel. Daisy Dukes or leopard skin?
There are worse things than being single, Oma. Really, there are.
Hmmm . . . difficulty with the word "insinuation", eh? It seems to me Blake says rather bluntly that you are a nitwit, Russophile.
Who wasn't very nice to the Von Trapp kids? Maria? Well, no, she wasn't, that was kind of common knowledge in Stowe, as was the fact that the movie sort of, well, fudged the facts. Kind of the way Oma does about her life story. Maria and she would have bonded over the money story, which I have never heard.
I wish I could be more helpful with juicy gossip, BFF, but it wasn't my generation --- even Brooke is several years older than I am, and my parents were fairly firm believers in not mingling the age groups. I have a dim memory of being at the top of the stairs in my nightgown at some party they were giving, listening to the buzz floating up from the living room, and then I was put to bed by a woman who smelled wonderful. And I think my mother told me that it was Slim.
By the time I was old enough to take notes, I had been sent off to boarding school. Let's see. Do you know who Ben and Aloise Heath were? Connecticut is a small state, we knew a lot of people.
Nope, can't say I know who the Heath's are. Didn't study them.
It's too bad you weren't able to get a VIEW of Slim in Mainbocher. That would have been something.
I'm not sure Blake is "insinuating" anything. He thinks you're an idiot, and he says so. "Insinuation" is Oma implying that my fascination with her wedding dress stems from my maidenly jealousy of her married state.
Aren't words fun? They have specific meanings. You know, BFF. Like "model" and "actor".
Oh BTW, Brooke's brother committed suicide a year or so ago. That poor family, such tragedy.
I wonder where those lovely pearls that Pam Borg'd into her collection that were Bridget's went to. . . .
Mainbocher? Dear, it was a nice little cocktail party in the suburbs of Connecticut. Not the kind of thing that people wore Mainbocher to attend, even in those days.
Bridget's death was a tragedy. That I remember, I was in my early teens. I never met her.
Oh I don't know, BFF, Mainbocher created a lot of lovely little wool suits appropriate for parties.
I'm sure you know best, BFF. For all I know, Slim was wearing a tiara when she put me to bed. My clothes sense, such as it is, came from my mother. She underdressed as much as anything. Slim was the kind of woman who hit the collections, and my mother would never have done that. Are you a clothes horse, BFF?
Wow. This is amazing. For the past few days, every time an old topic comes back up, a new tape comes flying over the transom. Somebody's watching.
Today's arrival is a tape someone pulled off a police scanner. It sounds like a transmission between a patrol car and dispatch.
Male Officer: Unit 409. We're clear from that call to Mesa Verde Drive.
Dispatcher: What was the nature of the complaint?
Male Officer: The complainant said she was being libeled and defamed by a gang of internet thugs and she wanted us to call Homeland Security.
Dispatcher: What?
Female Officer: It's true. This woman was saying she was a big film actress and high paid model whose reputation was being trashed by someone named Mooreshein or Moonshine or something.
Dispatcher: What was the complaintant's name.
Male Officer: Well, she said it was Alexandra Murphy.
Dispatcher: I've never heard of an Alexandra Murphy. Is she supposed to be famous.
Female Officer: Well, she seems to think so. But I'm not sure Alexandra Murphy is her real name.
Dispatcher: Why?
Female Officer: Well, when we asked for an ID, she handed us a bus card that said Alexandra Murphy. Something else fell out of her wallet, and when I picked it up it was a lawyer's card with what looked like a docket number over at county and the name Alexandra Louise McConnell scribbled on the back. And I saw some mail on a table that said Oma Hamou.
Dispatcher: What was the lawyer's name?
Male Officer: Brian Watson.
Female Officer: He's some lawyer over in Victorville who handles a lot of DWI's, drug cases, and thefts.
Dispatcher: Hold on a minute. I'm putting those names into the system to see what comes up. (long pause) Whoohee. This one's got quite a rap sheet. Several felony convictions for bad checks. Probation violations. A boatload of civil judgments. She's also out on bail right now for a felony forgery. Lots of aliases, too. Lots.
Male Officer: Well, now some things are falling into place. Does it have a description of her?
Dispatcher: Give me a minute. (long pause) Hmmm. Something's not right here. Looks like somebody might have hacked into DMV.
Female Officer: What do you mean?
-- Continued in Next Post --
-- Continued from Above Post --
Dispatcher: Well, the physical description doesn't make any sense. Says she's 5'11, 108 pounds, with long flaxen hair. And it gets weirder. The "other distinguishing features" section says she has long sinuous legs, a pert ass, perky breasts, and is a size 8. I've never seen anything like this.
Male Officer: (snickering) Neither have I. That's certainly not what was in the condo at Mesa Verde.
Female Officer: (suppressed giggling)
Dispatcher: What was the condo like?
Male Officer: Well, you'd have to have been there. She met us at the door, wearing this really funny looking evening gown that looked like it gets a lot of wear, if you know what I mean. She swooped out her left arm and said, "welcome to my gorgeous home with hardwood floors and granite countertops. It might look like Tier 1 granite, but I assure you it is from only the rarest slabs." (trying to stifle an outburst of laughter)
Female Officer: (choking and gasping for breath) We kept ... hee, hee, hee ... telling her how blown away we were by the magnificence ... har, har, hawwwww ... of it all. (panting)
Dispatcher: (giggling quietly) What did it really look like?
Male Officer: (breathless chuckling) Kind of a standard issue condo with a bunch of cheap furniture. There ... (pause and choking sound) ... was this really big portrait of her in that same gown dressed up like some queen or something. She was trying to look commanding, I think, but she mostly looked ... hee, hrhhg ... like she had a corncob up her ass.
Female Officer: (choking and gasping for air)
Dispatcher: Do you want me to call Homeland Security?
Male Officer: Only if they'll buy us dinner for feeding them this circus. It's a year's worth of jokes, easy.
Dispatcher: Are you going to file a report?
Male Officer: Are you kidding? And say what?
Female Officer: Well, we might want some record of this contact if they ever need to commit her.
Male Officer: Damn. I hadn't thought of that. What name do we file it under.
Female Officer: Well, probably under Oma Ham ... er, no. Maybe McConn ... er, Murph ... Oh, hell. Just forget about it.
Dispatcher: Okay. I won't tell if you won't.
Male Officer: Right. If anybody asks, just say we stopped for donuts. Unit 409 out.
Illuminati, get over here, you sniveling spawn of a malformed paramecium.
I'm missing some tapes. Do you know what happened to them, worm?
Oma, sweetheart,
I'm sorry you don't understand why some of these people are a little peeved with you, but it isn't out of jealousy, darling. It's probably because you have spent the last few years posting all over the internet about Moshein and Atchison, really nasty stuff, darling, lying and doing everything you can to bad mouth them to everybody you think you can. They're not perfect human beings (but who among us is, really?) and eventually they got angry enough to hit back. Can you blame them? It's like how you think Rebecca is jealous of your wedding gown because she was never lucky enough to find the right guy. Bubbele, it's an ugly dress, deal with it. We all have one or two of those hanging in our closets, and looking at that schmatta you wore for the basement ceremony with the creepy looking priest, you have a lot more than that.
And darling, I have to say as an outsider to this whole mess --- not counting what you did to Nitzi, that is --- that you haven't proven anything, Oma, except that you are kind of a little bit off-center upstairs, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
So I hope that helped explain why people are upset with you, although I think it probably won't matter since you never do seem to care it they are, as that Mrs. Batchelor can testify. But I hope it helped.
I post because I care, darling.
Mitzele
Oma, sweetheart,
Why so grumpy? Sadistic, shmadistic, darling, I was just trying to tell you that people don't hate you --- all right, maybe Robbele does, but honestly, darling, can you blame him? --- they are just fed up with you. You kvetch like you're getting paid for it, Omele, and it gets on people's nerves.
Like this whining about how we won't call you "Debbie". Sweetheart, no one believes in a "Debbie", so why bother calling you that? It just feeds into your delusions, and not for anything, Oma, do you need more delusions?
From Mitzi, who cares, darling. I really do.
Mitzi,
just a quick reply while I'm busy with the Bordeaux thing. I do NOT hate Oma Hamou. I'll be blunt that I really dont give a crap one way or the other about her, but I don't hate her nor wish her harm. I hate the crap she and her cronies post ad nauseum about me and Bob, without genuine basis or fact. I hate the daily hate mongering that she and her cronies do about us. I hate the fact that she is so cowardly, low life and shady that she lets others do her dirty work for her instead of saying it herself. I hate that she makes up characters who she hopes will somehow shield her from liability for the things written about us. I hate how she gets goods and services from people by promising to pay but somehow never comes up with the funds and blames OTHER people for her inability to pay the bills when they come due. I hate that she makes claims about being this actress model and producer but never ever ever provides one shred of proof to back up the claims.
I don't hate the person. I hate what the person does to other people. I hate the lies the person tells and the manipulation of words the person does to manipulate others....
I understand, Robbele, and I'm sorry I said that you hated her. I was just surprised to read that she can't understand why people would be so upset with her, because can we talk? How can you not be upset with someone who persists in the constant yap yap yap this one puts out about how the world owes her a living?
Well, it's not hard to understand why Hamou would feel so put upon by the world. Look at all the times she's been lied to and lied about.
She's being prosecuted for felony forgery because Mrs. Batchelor lied to the police.
She lost her lawsuit against Bob Atchison because he and his lawyer lied to the judge.
She was convicted of passing bad checks in three states because Marcus Demian lied to her about covering them.
Her lawyers sued her because they lied to her about the fee arrangements they would accept.
American Express sued her because people lied to her about being okay with her having credit cards issued in their names for her own use.
She became Marcus Demian's tenth wife because he lied to her about how she was the only woman for him.
We've all been lied to and about throughout our lives. Yet few of us wind up in jail or court over and over and over due to these lies.
Of course she would be bitter at all the bad luck she's had when everytime someone lies about her she winds up in court and/or jail. Who wouldn't be cranky?
Oh. The poor dear. All that simply horrible luck.
And then to have her Austinwineguy blog backfire by spawning this blog, where that sweet Miss Vanveen let the cat out of the bag, as it were, on her current woes.
The poor, poor dear.
Tapes, O Right Arm of Elron? I haven't seen any tapes, unless . . .wait a minute. Did you mean the box of recordings that you left next to the teleportation booth, I MEAN ELEVATOR at the spaceship, I MEAN HEADQUARTERS?
This guy named Blake Something came by and said you needed them, something about how you were putting together a kind of Greatest Hits collection, kind of a mix tape of Highlights from Hamou and . . .
Uh oh.
Before you smite your unworthy servant, O Mighty Shovel, I just want to say that I have been overworking lately and my ability to concentrate isn't what it used to be. The temporary minions we got from the agency just didn't work out. They kept bogging down at the pictures of You-Know-Who and the handcuffs. They would keep printing out copies and disappearing into the bathroom. So I let them go.
Sorry about the tapes . . .also, I've had a few calls from Tom Cruise and Kirsty complaining about false and defmatory comments about them appearing on this blog. At least I think it was them, although to tell you the truth, O Sword of Righteousness, they both sounded kind of the same, like a mousy little woman. I was kind of surprised, Cruise sounded really different in Valkyrie. A bunch of the minion temps and I rented it the other night from Blockbuster and we could hardly get through it, so we switched to some videos one of them got from a dealer out in the Valley. Oh baby.
Send more minions!
How dare you even utter the names of Tom Cruise and Kirsty Allee in front of the uninitiated, you malfeasant manifestation of puerile pissitude! How much damage have you already done by your indiscretions in discussing our affairs on an open forum, O Too Oral One?
And how could you not have recognized Blake Springpasture and known he was no toady of mine, you fool? You have yourself commented many times in the past how tall, handsome, manly, and all-around imposing he is. A former underwear model and 52 Long if ever there was one.
And get in there and clean up that bathroom. NOW! I need to use is to, er, do something.
Well, call me a silly bird, my dears, but I simply cannot understand how Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy can claim to have had a modeling career based on photographs she has posted of herself on the internet.
By that standard, my dears, any child who has sat for a Sears photographer and had its family post the pictures on the family website can claim to have had a modeling career. Any college student who has been photographed by his friends and then put the picture on his Facebook page can claim to have been a model.
I know you see my point, pets. The common understanding of having a modeling career means that someone actually paid one to model for commercial purposes. And for that proposition, Ms. H/M/M has never given one scintilla of proof, has she, my sweets?
Ta ta for today, my dear, dear friends,
Penelope Priscilla Autumnvale
Size 6 or 8 (depending on season)
Reasons why I could never be "jealous" of Oma Hamou who uses the alias names Oma McConnell, Alexandra Hamou, Alexandra McConnell and Alexandra Murphy among others:
1. Oma Hamou is a convicted Felon. On any government or job application, she will always have to check that box "yes" when asked if ever convicted of a felony and she will have to explain that she has three felony convictions and was arrested for violating the terms of her probation three times, one for each Felony Conviction.
2. Oma Hamou aka, has a recorded number of legal judgments against her for many hundreds of thousands of dollars. This is not some little "few thousand dollars" as many Americans may have, but rather closer to One MILLION dollars of known unpaid outstanding Judgments.
3. Oma Hamou aka seems to have terrible luck. She is constantly being betrayed by those she trusted (according to her "friends")and that betrayal has most recently led to her standing Felony Forgery Criminal charges in San Bernardino for the last full year.
4. Oma Hamou aka, seems to have bad choices of friends (according to her "friends"). She befriends convicted forgers and drug users, she hangs around people who rape her and kill her animals. She married a guy as his like 9th or 10 wife who was forty years older than she. She got knocked up with a kid by a guy named Ashkenazy, and that kid Nicholas McConnell has grown up to have a drug and alcohol abuse problem (maybe caused by all these "bad" folks hanging around??)
5. Oma Hamou aka is so embarrassed or afraid of the truth of her alleged "careers" as "actress and model" that she refuses to disclose the exact nature of the truth of the allegations except when "compelled to" by those with a "need to know". How pathetic is that??
6. Oma Hamou aka has no discernible means of support or record of employment. She has no specific professes talent for anything (except for hiring folks and failing to disclose that the does not have the cash in hand to pay the bills as they come due, but rather she "hoped" to have the money "if" her "film project" panned out...and then making excuses and blaming others when Oma can't PAY those bills and judgments and asking the creditors to wait for a DECADE while she "tries"to pay them...)
7. Oma Hamou aka, is, according to her "friends" so psychologically fragile and paranoid of people who live thousands of miles away and don't come physically within hundreds of miles of her EVER that she hides under alias names in low income California high desert miserable little cities (hours away from the "real Hollywood") surrounded by dozens of cats and a huge life sized photo of herself posing as Empress Alexandra Feodorovna on the mantle, refuses to disclose information about what she did twenty years ago and lives in total agonizing fear and upset and spends her days with lawyers planning substantial legal actions and going to Law Enforcement over and over and over for years on end to "combat" these unseen and unproven "stalkers"...
Yeah, that sounds very much like someone I'd be hugely jealous of.
As always Rebecca, thanks for sending that one to me. It was really a good laugh.
Ms P.
You were quite right to email and ask me, and the answer should be out here again for everyone.
NO there is NO "digital record" showing Bob or I had ANY connection to the "omahamoureality" blog. They have claimed for years that "law enforcement" "told" them, but offered no genuine proof. The authors of the blog themselves claim nobody has even asked them, and US law and Google policy require a hearing prior to the release of the identity of a blogger who wishes to remain under a "user name" only. There has been no such hearing as far I understand, and I certainly have never been asked by ANYONE about it.
Over on her forum, Oma a/k/a Handmaiden wrote:
"Also, those are pictures that she was paid to model for and were published, though it is none of the moron's business where it was published. This of course is to protect those with whom Oma has done business in the past."
Surely no one who did business with her in the past would do business with her in the future?
Also, you should check the heading for your blog, Oma. It clearly says "Ask Oma Hamou". It is false, defmatory and labelous for you to post that if you are going to pretend not to be on the site.
Everyone cross fingers! Nitzi and I have a meeting with Francis Chevy Coppola this week! He wants to change the name of the script to The Godmother, but who cares?
Bitsy Kedem
"... to protect those with whom Oma has done business in the past ..."?
You mean her two lawyers that have had to sue her for payment? The studio that had to go to the police to get paid? The hairdresser who had to sue her? The accupuncturist who had to sue her? Mrs. Batchelor who had to press charges for rent? The people in Wyoming, Utah, and Montana who had to press charges for bad checks? Global Insight that had to sue her? Variety that had to sue her? American Express that had to sue her? Bob Atchison who had to sue her?
Who the hell has ever done business with that woman and not come to regret it?
The best protection Oma could give anyone would be not to give them the privilege of her "business".
The notion that Oma Hamou is protecting anyone with whom she has dealt from someone else is one of the most laughable things she's ever posted. And that's really saying something.
It isn't to "protect anyone" except OMA HAMOU. Oma has refused steadfastly to reveal a single "acting" credit or single place her "modeling" was published for nine years now. LONG before she concocted this "stalking" bs. She was required to provide this information in the Discovery process of Bob's litigation, compelled by the Court in fact to comply, and turned over NOT ONE SHRED despite the Court's order.
The only thing Oma is "protecting" is her BIG LIE about her past.
Gee, guess all that "I don't hate Oma" goes out the window when you're talking about her son, eh? Why bring the son into it if you want to look like such a peach Mr. Moshein?
Uh, dumbo. How do you think anyone knew Hamou even had a son?
She should have worried about having him brought into things when she used to use him as a stage prop to paint herself as a loving mother who was just trying to carve out a nurturing life for him on Mayall street when she was, in fact, living there with two other young women and taking a senile old man for all his money.
Haven't you figured out that all the supposed loving relationships in Hamou's life are just cheesy stage props for that ghastly (but sometimes hilarious) newsreel that is her fabricated life?
Why do I even ask? Of course you haven't figured it out.
Oh, my dears. I'm just worried sick. Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy has neither posted on her forum nor read this blog for several days. And that is never good news, my sweets.
Is she on the move again? In Russia for high-level meetings? On a tight schedule with that film project in that warehouse in the Valley? Or, dear Lord, could she be in jail yet again? Oh, let's do hope not.
But whatever is going on, her friends must be very upset, as they, too, have all quit posting on her forum. Snoopy, Handmaiden, Mike Newson, Brad Summerfield, Daryn Harrington, the whole lot of them ... just vanished. Why, even on her recent trip to Austin, at least Snoopy and Handmaiden held down the fort.
Oh dear, oh dear. I'm just wringing my hands with worry. Even Felineus can sense it and is fretting something fearful.
Not Daryn! Don't tell me Daryn has disappeared! We've just found each other. Now I'll never get a wedding dress!
Sister Oma. Know that the Lord is with you! (If you can behave, that is.)
For starters, just try to calm down, Sister Woman.
Job 30:15
Terrors overwhelm me; my dignity is driven away as by the wind, my safety vanishes like a cloud.
And know that the Lord will not let your torment go on for longer than you can bear and that he will vanquish evil posters. (Dont' worry, Sister Oma. I'm sure He's not thinking about you here. Really.)
Isaiah 29:20
The ruthless will vanish, the mockers will disappear, and all who have an eye for evil will be cut down.
And don't let them push you around with all their knowledge, insight, and intelligence. The Lord ain't never liked the smart ones, you know. It's the dumb ones that'll be left around with the roaches. Praise Jesus!
Isaiah 29:14
Therefore once more will I astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.
And don't you despair, Sister Woman. I know the Holy Scripture can get you upset, but I'm sure this next passage wasn't written about you. Really.
Revelation 18:14
They will say, "The fruit you longed for is gone from you. All your riches and splendor have vanished, never to be recovered.
Don't worry, Sister. You'll be a size 8 with pert buttocks and perky bosoms just as long as you say you are. The Lord will not let beauty like yours vanish from the mirror of your mind.
Really.
Hey Blake, you seem to have a problem with Ms. Hamou's pictures. Ones of her modeling where she's rather in the buff? Do you have a problem with all models? You should, or you'll be a hypocrite.
I'm a hypocrite.
Surprise, surprise. . . .
When I look at a nude model in a porn magazine, I like to think she really did graduate from Amherst, does like to rescue puppies, and truly sees her sister as her best friend.
I don't want to know that she's actually a gold digger who'll boink any old man for enough change, someone who'se got a criminal history, ducks out on her debts, has a checkered marital history, has been beaten up by a rough customer in Las Vegas, and lives under different names largely on the lam.
Kinda spoils the mood.
Sometimes you can just know too much to enjoy the simple pleasures.
Gosh, what do you think when you see Bar Refaeli? Ymelia? The gal from New Moon just doffed it all for PETA. Pam Anderson has plenty of barely there pics. I don't think any of them went to Amhurst. And Bar was dorking Leonardo for the fame and bucks.
Amherst.
There you go, spoiling the mood again.
Jeez.
Darling Russophile Lady,
I certainly don't mind if she has the girls on display, and I don't think Leonardo --- so cute, I could pinch him --- cared why his girlfriend was sleeping with him as long as she was sleeping with him. But girls like Bar don't put their business out there for G-d and everyone to see unless they get paid for it, Russophilele, which is kind of the definition of "model" in today's modern world. Otherwise yopu're just sticking pictures of your boobies up there on the internet, which is just kind of weird.
And guess what! Bitsy says that Martin Scorcese is interested in Nitzi's script, only he wants to call it Gangs of Montclair. And what a coincidence, Russophile Lady, he wants Leo to play Omele. He says after Catch Me If You Can the role is a natural! Could you die? Of course, it means that there will have to be a small sex change, but what the heck!
So exciting, darlings!
Darling Russophile Lady,
Your last post went away! So maybe this will be deleted as well, but I'll try anyway. It's true that a lot of girls take pictures for their portfolios, but a lot of girls would have them done by professional photographers, darling. Omele's, not so much. And did any of them ever lead to actual, you should excuse the expression, work? I don't think so, darling. Or at least not the kind you want to brag about.
Meanwhile, I just read about Beckele's childhood! Oy, Margaret Sullavan, so pretty! Have you seen any of her movies, Rebecca? The Slim woman I'm not so aware of, was she an actress too? And the Hayward man was married to both of them? So what was he, G-d's gift?
All this squabbling needs to stop, people.
Oma Hamou was a major model who posed for some of the top media. She made loads of money, traveled the world, collected fine clothes and classic cars, went to the best parties, hobnobbed with the rich and powerful, became a production company CEO and head of a well-funded international charity, and got a major film project all ready to launch on the strength of her immense artistry and her deep industry connections.
It all fell apart only because those two vile homosexuals in Austin started thwarting her every move. Not even her relationships with Putin, the Patriarch of the Orthodox Church, the U.S. State Department, a myriad of local police agencies in California and Texas, and Homeland Security were sufficient to save her from those two vicious, relentless gay reprobates. No force on earth can stop a couple of mean queens on a rampage.
How do I know all this? I was her photographer. Her real photographer. That Mike Newson guy was a joke. A bad, bad joke. C'mon, people. An art photographer in Utah? "Hose and Toes"? Puh...leeze, people. Helloooooo.
I tried to tell her that getting mixed up with someone whose portfolio was mostly scantily-clad pubescent girls was a bad business move. But would she listen? Nooooooo .... It was "Mike will do this, Mike will do that" until I wanted to stick my finger down my throat. Thank God he finally wussed out on her when he realized she had gotten him mixed up in a criminal investigation.
The woman is an artist. And those two faggolas in Austin have deprived the world of her talent. Shoot them. NOW. I insist.
Total coincidence, but Leland Hayward owned the house I grew up in, in Beverly Hills after he and Margaret Sullivan split up, he sold it a few years later when he got together with Slim. My parents didn't buy the house until some 15 years later in 1961...
Okay, I have to admit, there is a big cool factor in living in the Hawyards old house. Wasn't it close to the Fondas? They were all friends and Peter named his daughter Bridget after Brooke's sister.
We were 8 or 8 blocks from the Fonda's. We were a block down from Doris Day. The guy who played General Burkhalter on Hogan's Heroes ("KKKLLLIIINNNNKKKKK") lived behind us. I played Backgammon with Lucille Ball at Pips, I used to play touch football on Sundays with Jimmy Caan, and had dinner at La Scala with Paul Newman. Joey Bishop sort of adopted me and used to take me sailing most weekends and sneak me backstage when he guest hosted for Johnny Carson, and he came to my Bar Mitvah. I met Groucho Marx at Jacopo's Pizza, and had dinner with my parents and Mel Brooks and Annie Bancroft. I could go on, but, why bother?
Actually, I would appreciate it if you did go on, were you around when the whole freaky deaky thing happened with Sharon Tate? And Doris Day's son?
But, I'm sure you'll just tease me. . .
Oooo, Mr. Moshein, my dear. Goodness gracious. You know or knew almost as many famous people as Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy. How very exciting.
Of course, it seems you actually had these encounters up close and personally. That makes it all the more impressive, my good man.
Salut!
Well, thanks Ms P. There was also when I stayed 10 days with Ava Gardner as her house guest in London, and when Frank Sinatra gave me a "lift" home to LA from Las Vegas on his private jet....
This is hilarious, in a "small world" kind of way. Harry and Elizabeth (my parents)were good friends with Ben and Aloise Heath (she was Bill Buckley's sister), and through Allie they knew Bill and Pat, and through Bill and Pat they were involved in the fracas with Gore Vidal at the 1968 Democratic convention in Chicago, and Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were best friends with Gore Vidal. Somewhere the name Kevin Bacon needs to appear.
Aloise died in 1967? Early 1968? It was around Christmas that year, because I was home from England on college break. She had a stroke, very sudden.
Anyway, Rob, you knew far more famous people than I, or at least you certainly paid more attention! Ava Gardner!!!!
RJ
My cousin Massok has been reading some forum run by this Hamou woman because he enjoys that kind of thing. A lot.
But he told me that the other day our family got pulled into it, and that's not sitting too good with him or me.
I'm sick and tired of people who get put on the hot seat for their own doings claiming they're being victimized by me when someone calls them on their crap.
You don't want to be made "uncomfortable" (oooo, ouch, ow!) by having your life discussed? Then either clean up your damn act or quit trying to live your squalid life on the internet and using it to attack people who beat you in a court case.
Better be glad you haven't met my aunt Bea Anne Dee. She's the real deal and don't take nobody's money for it.
Good day, my dears. Things have so quieted down here that I was able to attend my first sewing circle meeting in almost a month. It was so very nice to see the ladies again, but my goodness, had I fallen behind! I had not realized just how much hand-tatted lace could be whipped up in a few weeks. We're going to have some very pretty houses, indeed, on next year's garden tour.
I do remain worried about Ms. Hamou/McConnell/Murphy, though. She's virtually abandoned reading this blog altogether, and we all know where she was the last time that happened. Oh, dear. Perish the thought.
I almost wonder if there's not another name in the works. Sunny von Below, perhaps? Or Alix ab und zu Provo?
Oh, the anticipation.
Mr. Moshein, to quote Vin Disel in Triple X, "You're cool, but you're not *that* cool."
Diesel.
I've been fired from the bank!!! And do you want to know why??? Someone did an internet search and all of this shit turned up, they told me they couldn't employ someone as foul-mouthed as me in a capacity where I would be meeting the public. Can you believe that shit?? I was like no way, man, that isn't me, but they said they couldn't take the trouble to sort it out!!! They also said I obviously consorted with criminals!!!
It "is" such a "coincidence" that ALL the sockpuppets at sockpuppet theatre disappear all at once. "Snoopy" the vulgar foul mouthed lunatic, "sandman" the sycophantic bore, "Mike" the dimwitted, and the rest...
The last time these same characters all disappeared was exactly one year ago when Oma Hamou using the name "Alexandra McConnell" was ARRESTED and put in JAIL for felony forgery in Victorville.
Wonder what the current disappearance maybe arrest is about?
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